"All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals."

"First you gotta shriek like a woman, then keep sobbing till he turns away in disgust. That's when it's time to kick some ass."

"Marge, can we go home? All this fresh air is making my hair move and I don't know how long I can complain."

"Homer no function beer well without."

"If you're gonna get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things."

"Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."

On August 8, 2003, I posted the first quote on my Homer Jay Simpson's Quote of the Week page.  That means Monday marked the page's second birthday.  That's over a hundred quotes and counting. Here's the first quote I shared.  "Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back...unless your tears

"I believe children are the future...which is why they must be stopped now!"

"Now what is a wedding? Well, Webster's dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one's garden."

"I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge. See ya soon!"

"Our kids keep getting smarter. If we have another kid, he could invent a time machine to go back in time and prevent us from having kids."

"I used to rock and roll all night and party ev-er-y day. Then it was every other day."

"Ooh, I love your magazine. Especially the 'Enrich Your Wordpower' section. I think it's really...really... really...good."

"The food was not undelicious."

"The internet wasn't created for mockery, it was supposed to help researchers at different universities share data sets. It was!"

"If it doesn't have siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair."

"I've come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels."

"You can't go wrong with cocktail weenies. They look as good as they taste. And they come in this delicious red sauce. It looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, but brother, it ain't ketchup!"

"I think I've figured this balloon thing out, Marge. It can go up and down, but not side to side or back in time."

"Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson.'"

"All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one."

"Bart, you can't weld with such a little flame! Stupid kid."

"That horse had better win, or else we're taking a trip to the glue factory. And he won't get to come."

"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel."

"I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun!"