A frequent commenter has written this guest entry and wishes for me to post it on his behalf. The words below belong to him.
I'm alive.
My friend isn't. He just killed himself.
I'm on business in Calgary and I received a text from a friend asking if I had heard. "Heard what?" was my response. His response was a phone call telling me the news that a friend took his own life.
"WHAT?!"
I couldn't believe it. My heart sank. I couldn't help but imagine someone could have been on the opposite end of the conversation a few years ago learning the news that I had done the same to myself.
The ride we're on in life is a crazy fucking trip. Who knows what we're going to get thrown our way and who knows how we're going to deal with it? We think we're strong and we think we're able to put up with all the bullshit but for some, for many perhaps, it's just gets to be too much. Mental illness is a disease and it's ridiculous to think how quickly it can take over someone's mind.
I had a health scare recently and it hit me hard. It's been a few years but it's only been months that I'm comfortable talking about it here. Mike's been on the receiving end of what I would guess would be some pretty fucking crazy emails and chats but it's friends and family that I've been lucky to have around me to talk with to get me through.
My friend didn't feel like he had that option, I guess. Some will call him a coward. I'll say he was a guy looking for help and didn't think he could find what he was looking for. Trying to understand or explain his actions is impossible. I'd rather just remember a good guy who didn't think he had any options left. And that fucking sucks.
I can't imagine what his Mom and girlfriend are experiencing right now. I feel so helpless for them.
Life is a crazy trip. Life is fragile. Life is something to be valued every day. Too often, we're happier to bust each other's balls and not tell the truth.
I love you.
I promise to learn from this. I'm happy to be alive and it's ok I once struggled with the idea of not being here. But never again do I want a friend to not know I love them. Man or woman, single or married, gay or straight...I'm going to tell my friends and family I love them.
Sometimes, who knows, maybe that's what they need to hear.
I love you.
